April 28, 2021
In this episode the gang discusses...
- Stevie schools us on how every 90's sitcom has an awkward dancing episode.
- Davey has technical issues, and gets all grumbly as usual.
- The gang discusses ideas to make our podcast better by being silly
- Amanda explains our patented Bear Bags to Stevie
- Amanda tells us that How to Die Alone has affected her every day life even at work
- Davey continues with the struggles of technology, IT'S NOT MEANT FOR BEARS!
- Amanda learns us of the TikTok Al Gore Rhythm on 4/20
- The crew discusses Stand-up comedy, real shocker, but some comics are silly
- Stevie gets so new super fans that he doesn't know how to talk to.
- Matty mansplains us about a femenist that opened for Mike Birbiglia
- Davey shares a story of the great Mike Birbiglia not wanting to be brought up
- The team discusses the worst accents ever, and of course is the Balmor accent
- Davey proposes that Caitlyn Jenner will win Governor and succeed from US and in
4 years Kim Kardashian will be President of California.
- Stevie has a lot of antibodies from the great 2020 allergy
April 21, 2021
It's a celebrity packed episode! We just discuss multiple celebrities for some reason and speculate on how horrible they are in real life
- We discuss the Luis J Gomez and Kurt Metzger as they were at our home club
- Matty knows way too much about cargo shorts
- Matty remembers the time Todd Barry beat up a comic for sitting up front, and we do our best Todd Barry impersonations
- Davey shares a fun fact about Steve Buscemi in Pulp Fiction
- We speculate about how mean Rob Schneider is and his ridiculous demands
- Davey starts Disc Golf to distract him from the fact he's walking
- Matty informs us of Disney's Architectural problem
- Stevie introduces us to the future of internet! Featuring the CEO of MyPillow
- Real Mario Kart spotted in the Europe, because of course it was.
- We estimate what the great emancipator did to his staff with his famous hat
April 15, 2021
The gangs all here! All 4 of us in 3 windows! This week we discuss a slew of topics including...
- We corrupt Amanda with our middle school dark jokes we used to tell about babies
- Amanda buys a questionable food item from the Blueberry Festival
- We discuss Amanda's aggressive collection of "toys"
- Matty shares a horrible NSFW dad joke
- Davey discusses some shows from this past weekend
- Davey learns us why Virginia doesn't have any professional sports teams
- Matty gets his Vaccine and breaks down his experience for us
- Matty learns us why humans don't glow in the dark
- Venmo has a weird rule about buying a Cuban Sandwich
- Davey learns about his Canadian Roots
- Davey speculates on the original Viagra
April 7, 2021
On this week's episode, the original 3 discuss a new form of Yoga that's going to eventually originate out of Texas, we also talk about...
- We roast Matty about being a soldiers little drummer boy
- We rewrite a classic piece of cinema "Gay Terminator"
- Matty scheldules to get vacinated, he's a good boy!
- Matty gets a new PS5 by hacking the planet
- Florida Man drowns after searching for his own golf ball in a pond
- Teen Spiderman lures and beats up pedophiles in Brazil
- Men break into wrong house while trying to play out a sexual fantasy
- Stevie learns us about the Delta 8
- We imagine Middle America finding out about Delta 8 and speculate their reactions
- Peanut Yoga is a new style sweeping through Texas
April 3, 2021
This week we discuss how they're genetically engineering attack toasters that can fly! Also on this week's episode...
- Stevie does his best Bill Gates Homicidal Kermit impression
- We idiotically talk about Religions and their eating rules (we don't know anything)
- We watch Ms Bart Simpson fool a kid hawking candy
- Welsh Teacher gets in trouble about his blog calling kids Kardashian clones
- Matty collected Pogs but Davey collected Pawgs
- Davey's a giant Cuck Bear, a Pandave if you will
- Anonymous Songwriters upset people stealing royalties, ugh maybe don't be anonymous idiots
- Man gets his meat stolen at Costco from Ravens
March 26, 2021
On this episode the OG 3 are joined by the Amasianest Intern Amanda:
- Davey discusses an odd dream he had
- Amanda takes awful work photos, but her butcher ones came out great and that's more important
- Stevie has an amazing weekend in standup, getting to bring up a special guest
- Matty flirts with waitress and in turn flirts with a law
- The gang invents a new 'tism that's going to be mainstream to the Publix soon
March 19, 2021
- We get radical about stunt doubles that look nothing like the actor
- Stevie serenades us with some New Orleans Jazz Originals
- Matty wants to remake Joker with Louis Armstrong armed with a Trumpet
- Stevie has 3 barrels of hot brass for you!
- Davey gets out of breath from walking to the stage this past weekend
- Stevie gets asked an awkward question in an interview
- The gang discusses some ridiculous news articles
March 10, 2021
I mean, who honestly cares? This has been going way longer than it needed to, but we keep at it anyway.
On this completely unnecessary episode of "How to Die Alone", 6 people will hear us:
-Recap our exciting shows during COVID
-Interrupt each other constantly
-React to dumb news stories Stephen found
-And plug shows you won't go to
March 3, 2021
It's the 171st episode. That means there were 170 more episodes before this. Exciting.
On this week's completely passable episode "How to Die Alone" podcast:
-Seinfeld as a bee picks up his high school girl
-Matt somehow gets respect for being on a podcast
-People in Ocala give Stephen grief for wearing a mask
-We try to make David to dance in the closet
-David learns about the gender neutral honorific Mx (mix)
-The war between good people and bad people rages on
-An entire spin class gets COVID-19 because they exercised without masks
-David is too unhealthy to attract COVID-19
-We imagine a nightmare scenario involving paper straws
-Ohio State students learn how to start their own OnlyFans, how to decolonize pornography, and David imagines his own panel at the seminar
-And a Sacramento doctor works through a Zoom court hearing
February 24, 2021
In Alaska, millennial bears eating ass are becoming a real problem. Beware the outhouse!
Also, on this thrilling episode of "How to Die Alone" podcast:
-Matty has been watching reruns of "The Amazing Race"
-Stephen takes investment advice from his junk
-David's dad roasts him over his lack of oral hygiene
-Matt expects certain accents to have certain opinions and his former classmate becomes a psychologist
-Arizona makes it a crime to lick ice cream and put it back on the shelf -We devise some amazing new Oreo flavors - Nabisco GET AT US!
-Texas mayor declares "only the strong will survive" like an absolute psychopath
-We detail how easy it isn't to leave Florida in the event of hurricanes
-Stephen drops the historical knowledge about Florida's awesome highways
-And old, rich people create jobs we didn't even know we needed